'Tis the season to be...stressed?

Implications

The holiday season is often described as joyful, happy, peaceful, merry…and for many parents, stressful. Stress can emanate from the holiday hustle and bustle, with long to-do lists, seasonal school events, and social gatherings. Stress may be tied to negotiating holiday plans with different family members. The cost of gifts, travel and other holiday activities can create financial pressures for many families. With the resurgence of COVID in some parts of the country, trying to keep all family members healthy can cause additional worry.

This Mott Poll found that 1 in 6 parents acknowledge having a high stress level during the holidays. Mothers in this Mott Poll were twice as likely than fathers to acknowledge having a high stress level during the holidays. In many families, mothers are the ones who take responsibility for planning holiday activities, including cooking, shopping, decorating, and hosting. When mothers don’t receive (or won’t accept) help from other family members, those responsibilities can start to feel overwhelming.

For one-quarter of parents, stress is tied to placing unrealistic expectations on themselves to create a joyful holiday. These parents may not acknowledge that they don’t have enough time, money, or help to provide every element of a traditional holiday celebration. Parents also may believe their child has unrealistic expectations about the gifts they expect to receive or the special holiday events they want to attend. Unrealistic expectations are especially common among parents who describe themselves as having high stress levels around the holidays.

Excessive parental stress can have a negative impact on children’s enjoyment of the holidays, but parents can take steps to prevent this from happening. One strategy is to talk as a family about holiday plans and priorities. It may be the case that parents aren’t accurate in their perceptions of their child’s expectations, favorite holiday memories, or traditions. The discussion can then lead to ways to reduce the amount of effort required for holiday preparations. Families may decide to modify certain holiday traditions or have one less item on the menu for the holiday dinner. Parents can assign each family member a specific holiday task – with the pledge to be satisfied if that task is done differently than in years past.

Parents in this Mott Poll offered a variety of ways to relieve stress, from listening to music to exercising. The holiday season may be a time for parents to model good mental health hygiene, by verbalizing how they recognize and try to relieve stress. For example, parents might say, “I’m really feeling overwhelmed with so many things on our to-do-list for today. Let’s take a 5-minute dance break before we get back to checking things off our list.” This approach is an invitation for children to share their own feelings of stress and a reminder to take action when their stress is elevated.

An underappreciated source of stress for many parents is having school-age children spending more time at home during the holiday break. In most families, school provides a daily routine, requiring specific times for waking up, getting out the door, bedtime, and meals. Parents often structure household rules to ensure children have adequate nutrition, rest, and time for schoolwork. During the holiday break, children and teens may feel they should not have to follow same rules that apply when school is in session regarding screen time, bedtime, junk food, and having friends over. Although most parents stick fairly close to their usual school-year rules, some parents say that rules go out the window during the holiday break. It’s natural to want children to have fun, but parents should strive for happy medium that gives kids a needed break from the structured schedule of the school year, without having them become irritable from lack of sleep or poor diet.